All We Could've Had
by Liebestraum
Summary: Gilbert-Talia...Talia's thoughts on the past after Dullindal becomes Chairman: "Some days, she still thought of how it might never have ended, how the legislation might have eventually changed, how she and Gil could have lobbied, could have held on..."


When she hears the news, there's pride.

He isn't _her _Gil anymore, for certain, and _my_, how he's grown. But somewhere within the voluminous, starched folds, somewhere within the newly elected _Chairman Dullindal_, she senses a reflection of the nervous young man she met at an ice cream parlor, once, twenty years ago.

_"Hey, don't you take Biochemistry 426 with me, at November City University? You're…Talia Gladys, if I recall correctly"_

_"I've seen you around. What's your major?"  
_

_"Me, well, I mean, I know every student who knows anything at all about genetic engineering wants to work with Dr. Hibeki…I guess it's really just a pipe dream for me, but I can't help thinking: wow, now there's a field where I can really make a difference, as trite as all that sounds..."_

_"Really, you don't mind my idealism so much?"_

_"I'm Gilbert, by the way. You can call me Gil."_

The next week, she met him again at the parlor. It was late spring of sophomore year, and soon she was introducing him to all her friends, but she thought he was just another nice boy—wouldn't last very long, probably like all the guys before.

Except spring became summer, and she remembers the park they went to.

_"Wow, the sky's so gorgeous, don't you think? I love picnics, and everything today is just perfect."_

_"Yep, I brought your favorite brand of lemonade. I had to have a friend from September City bring it. All the stores here were sold out, you see."_

_"How did you know? I've wanted this book for ages, but I never told you anything about it. It's like we have the same interests, same mind, really..."  
_

_"You know, Talia, I know I haven't even known you for two months, but…something just _feels _right, don't you think?"_

It's probably just a summer fling, she warned herself, but she didn't have the heart to dampen his day with realism. So she smiled, and they danced in the sun, laughing like kids again. Soon enough, summer blended into winter, into spring, and then junior year was coming to an end.

_"Talia, can you believe it? Dr. Hibeki hired me—just me, your own silly Gil—as a summer intern."_

_"This means I won't be at PLANT until next fall, though. Take care of yourself, please? Don't work too hard. You'll blow the ZAFT officials away, for sure."_

They exchanged letters the whole summer, almost every single day. It had been horribly impractical; the out-dated mail service was being shut down by PLANT, and everything was becoming electronic-only, but Gil said he wanted to give her something more personal, because she was special. And she'd loved it, loved the attention, visiting the post office every day, almost religiously. She'd never received handwritten letters before; it was like something out of the storybooks. All summer, she cherished the letters, stored safely under her pillow, reading them at night, marveling at his painfully neat and elegant cursive.

Sooner than later, it was graduation. They both had their separate plans: Gil had landed his dream job, working for Dr. Hibeki, and she—she would proudly go wherever ZAFT sent her. This time, more so than ever before, she was sure the relationship would come to an end.

_Gil, we need to talk about-_

"_No, Talia, I know what you're going to say. Don't say it. Just…just hang on. I have something for you."_

_"I know we're young, I know you never thought this would last, I know…I know that everything's working against us, and we don't know a thing about this whole, wide world, and we're probably wrong, but...I believe in this anyways._

_"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known—ever will know—and, and Talia, I know I love you."_

She believed him, in every word he'd said, because he was Gil. _Her_ Gil. So when she saw the glimmer of a gem in the jewelry box, when she heard his words…

_"Talia, please, will you marry me?"_

…she said _Yes._

It was a dream. Her parents loved Gil, she picked out a dress, Gil found a place for the wedding, and they even rented a tiny, affordable, and simply perfect apartment.

_"You see, Talia, everything will be wonderful. Once I'm established at the institute, I'll buy you beautiful jewelry, tons of cake, and you'll never have to worry again. We can even have a son. You'll make such a wonderful mother."_

_"Rey? You like that name? I think it'll be...perfect. Rey Dullindal. Our son."  
_

**I**

A week before the wedding, she was deployed to PLANT's Earth territory. Shortly after, the Supreme Council passed new marriage laws, and suddenly, nothing was right anymore.

"_Talia, how could they do this to us? How could the Supreme Council do this to us?"_

_I don't know, Gil. This is wrong, this is cruel. I just…we can't do anything, and..._

_"I know you want a son. I know I want a son…I know I want you to be the mother of my son."_

_"Gods, I hate the Supreme Council. I hate that they can pass legislation over marriages. I hate that we're coordinators. I hate genetic engineering. I hate-"_

Genetic engineering had been his life, and perhaps that's the sentence, the exact moment, that ruined it all. Some days, she still thought of how it might never have ended, how the legislation might have eventually changed, how she and Gil could have lobbied, could have held on, and maybe…and what if…and…

_No, Gil, I want a child. I…I don't-_

_"Talia, I love you! Does that mean nothing? What about what we had?-"_

_Gil…no, Gilbert, listen, this won't—_

_"Don't you remember, how you once agreed with me, that something here just feels_ _right?"_

_No, Gilbert, I'm afraid I don't remember anything of the sort. This was just a phase, for both of us. We both need to move on.—_

_"Talia, can't you just—"_

_No, Gil. Please, don't make me do this. I…this is for the best._

**I**

He'd been right. He had always been right.

She doesn't know how much pain she caused him, but she hopes he knew, hopes he somehow _felt_ all the nights she didn't sleep, all the meals she didn't eat, all the tears that dotted her tattered life.

_It hadn't been easy for her, either._

When she hears the news, there's regret.


End file.
